Wherever you are in your Assistant career, influencing skills are vital to be successful in the role. Moving people forward, getting colleagues to listen to your thoughts and ideas, being taken seriously and seen – influence is needed in all of these scenarios.

What is influence, and why is it a must-have for Assistants? In the workplace, Assistants have to be persuasive. Assistants don’t necessarily have the authority or job title to tell people what to do. But they often have to get people to do what they ask. So, that requires the ability to be persuasive and hold a level of influence. Many Assistants struggle with this concept. They often work hard to be heard in meetings and have their opinions and thoughts considered.

I don’t know how often in my career I have suggested something in a meeting without any action taken, for it to be recommended by someone else a short while later and the idea acted upon.

It is frustrating, but you can change that behaviour if you have the drive to do so. In this guide, we are going to cover a lot of ground. This guide – Building Influence in the Assistant role- is segmented into five areas covering different areas of influence and how Assistants can develop their persuasion skills to be seen and heard in all aspects of their role. Here are the topics we are going to cover.

Contents

• Working with People
• Navigating Office Politics for Assistants
• Understanding Personality types at work
• Communicating influence
• Working collaboratively with other Assistants and building your network

20 Ways to Impress Your Executive

The worksheet gives you 20 ideas to elevate you in the Assistant role.

It’s expertly designed to help you establish a strategic partnership with your Executive, enhancing collaboration and mutual success.

Working with the Executive Team

As Assistants, most of us will interact with our organisation’s Executive Team daily, if not hourly. Your manager may well be part of the Executive Team. If so, you will have even more phone calls, meetings, and general engagements with other directors and top-level staff members. It can be a little scary dealing with the people who run your organisation, especially if they are prickly characters or highly demanding.

Unlike other staff members, working with the Executive Team brings many rules and a particular working style. I once worked with an assistant on a temporary contract. She talked to everyone in the same manner and tone. She was a board-level assistant, and unfortunately, the Executive Team didn’t take too kindly to being called ‘mate’ or ‘darling’. She was good at her job, but her communication style with the Executive Team didn’t match their expectations of a board-level assistant, and she was let go.

This isn’t the first time I’ve worked with assistants who have clashed with the Executive Team either because they are solid personalities or are a bit overwhelmed by the demands of the Executives. Having a good working relationship with the Executive Team is primarily down to common sense, but for Assistants, it is a relationship that needs to be nurtured and taken seriously.

Here are my etiquette tips for working with the Executive Team.

Always appear calm even if you are feeling under pressure. You don’t want to let the Executive Team ever think that you are not in control of your job.

It is okay to share a joke with Executive team members, but I would add a word of caution here. If you don’t know them well, I would be polite and approachable with a ready smile.

Let them be the first person to make a joke.

Over the years, I’ve found that some board-level Directors tend to ask whoever is nearest to them to get things or do something for them (mainly if the closest person is in an administrative role). This can be frustrating, especially if you are busy doing something else. In my experience, it is best to do what they ask if it is something small.

Sitting right next to the board room, I was always asked to top up cups of tea and replenish the biscuit. It wasn’t enjoyable, but I would still get up and do it because they were executive team members. I wouldn’t do it for any other member of staff.

If you are in the middle of an urgent task or are doing something for your boss when another Director asks you to do something, let them know you will return to them as soon as possible. If you can fit the work in, then I suggest that you do. Stand your ground and calmly explain the situation if it is an unreasonable request. Offering an alternative solution is always a good approach.

You can also ask their Assistant to pick up the task because you are too busy to help.

I have often supported additional Executives while their assistants are away on holiday. This is an excellent way to get to know other Directors and understand different parts of the business.

I have also supported Executives who are new to the organisation and have found they are always more pleasant because they see first-hand how you work and support the organisation. It might be extra work at the time, but it is well worth it.

Confidentiality is vital to a productive working relationship with your Executive Team.

This is a crucial part of the Assistant role but worth reiterating here: Don’t gossip! If the Executive Team finds out you talked about what happened in last week’s board meeting when one of the Directors went mental, well, you’re not going to be in their good books, are you?

Remember that they are people, too. Exchange usual pleasantries as you would with anyone else. I’ve often found that Executives tend to be less guarded around assistants because they know the relationship between an assistant and a Director. They know that assistants can be trusted and are used to dealing with high-level Executives.

Working with your organisation’s leaders can be difficult and daunting, but the rewards are high once you understand how to communicate and present yourself. Supporting people who make your business decisions can be exhilarating, so it is well worth investing the time in making the relationship work.

How to really deal with difficult colleagues

As the saying goes, you can choose your friends, but you sure can’t choose your family. The same can apply to co-workers. Working with people as an Assistant, some colleagues you will get on with and form a good working relationship, on the other hand, some you will walk up eight flights of stairs to avoid sharing the lift with, either way, unless you quit your job, you don’t have a choice about seeing them daily.

If you like all of your colleagues, by some miracle, count yourself very lucky because, from my experience, there will always be one or two people you struggle to work with. Knowing how to deal with difficult colleagues can be such a bonus.

Hopefully, the co-workers that you are less keen on don’t impact your day too much. You might find them annoying but not to the point you can’t put up with them, but what happens when you frequently have to work with this person? They are affecting how you work and how you feel about the job you do.

I’ve encountered a handful of difficult people in my time, and trust me, unless you deal with the situation, it only tends to get worse. So, how do you deal with these people? You can use some different approaches; here are some that I have learnt along the way.

Identify what it is that you don’t like about this person – be specific. Is it that they talk too much, are they passive-aggressive, are they always stealing the credit, do they slack off? Defining the personality trait you don’t like is the first step in dealing with the problem.

Think about why you don’t like this type of person. Is it something to do with your personality rather than theirs? I can’t stand those who are self-important; it drives me nuts! But, if I’m honest, I know I don’t get on with people like that because I struggle to have confidence in my abilities and naturally gravitate to humble and self-deprecating people.

That’s just my preference, and it has taken me a while to realise it doesn’t necessarily mean the annoying person is in the wrong.

Talk to your trusted colleagues to see if they have experienced the same problem with this person or just you. It is wonderful if you are the only one, but you will gain some perspective.

Don’t use this opportunity to moan about your colleague (save that for your friends and family) instead of discussing options to resolve the issue. In other words, make it a constructive discussion because you don’t want to appear like someone who moans about work and doesn’t do anything about it.

This might be difficult to swallow, but have you tried to get to know this person?

It may sound like a horrible situation, but taking them out for a drink after work or a lunchtime coffee might be worthwhile. You never know. They may be completely different outside of the office. They might be nice! If you do this and you find yourself hating them even more, at least you tried, and you can pat yourself on the back for that.

Can you confront the person yourself?

If you have the confidence to talk with them directly, then you should. Don’t be overly aggressive, but do be firm and tell them how their behaviour impacts you. They may not be aware of their actions, and a conversation might nip it in the bud before your relationship becomes a severe problem.

If they are particularly tricky, they may try to brush off their behaviour or explain it away, but stick to your guns and make sure you come to a conclusion that enables you to get on with your job.

If you find it challenging to talk face-to-face or lack the confidence, it might help to send them an email. Explain that you are nervous about broaching the subject with them directly and are writing your feelings down in the hope that you can resolve any future problems. If you are shy, this is the right approach, as you are still dealing with this person but in a manner that is more suitable for you.

This approach is probably slightly childish, but sometimes, you have to give silent treatment to difficult people.

Distance yourself, and don’t give them your time.

This is particularly effective for those harmful types who bring the office environment down and want to spend time sharing their grumbles with everyone else. Avoidance might seem like a cowardly way out, but it works, and once these types are cut off, they tend to lose their energy or take it elsewhere.

Do you have support from your boss?

If so, use it. Ask them for their advice on how to deal with this person. You never know; they might feel the same and decide to speak to you on your behalf. If the difficult person is your manager, it can appear more problematic and something you have to put up with. I think it makes the situation slightly easier, as your boss has to manage you correctly as part of their job.

Find some time to speak to HR and ask them to act as mediators between you. Lousy management reflects poorly on the manager, not on you.

If it gets awful, could you distance yourself from this person or move to a different team or department?

Remember, we have two survival moods: fight or flight.

Flight is not necessarily a bad reaction to a stressful situation. Sometimes battles are too much, and you have to flee. It is okay to leave a job or environment that isn’t serving you. Life is way too short.

Stakeholder management tips for Assistants

As some of you will know, I used to work in a department full of ‘change management professionals’. Their job was to initiate projects that would improve procedures or systems within other departments.

As you can imagine, they were not always the most popular members of staff! The organisation was 250 years old, and some of the employees had been working at the company their entire adult lives. They didn’t always take kindly to other people, telling them what they had been doing for years and years and years needed to be improved.

Thankfully my colleagues had an arsenal of change management tools that enabled them to deal with even the most stubborn employees.

It can be really easy to forget how even simple changes can affect others. I once spent a quiet afternoon over Christmas organising my department’s stationery cupboard and storage units. It was something that had needed attention for a while, but I had been too busy. I was quite pleased with myself once I had cleared everything out and made the cupboard orderly and clean.

Once everyone returned from their Christmas break, I wasn’t expecting anyone to notice, well, maybe some praise, but instead, I received hostility boarding on abuse! I hadn’t thought the stationery cupboard was such a sacred place, but it was to individual members of staff who argued they could no longer find what they needed.

This little example, amongst many others, proved to me that the tools my old colleagues used to manage stakeholders were handy if I wanted to make change stick. To make a successful change, you must think about how that change will affect your colleagues. You may have to cox them into excepting the changes, but it will be worth it if you do want to ensure your new procedures are followed. Working with people as an Assistant is really useful.

Here is my favourite tool to use when it comes to change management projects:

Stakeholder Matrix

This matrix is excellent because it is simple, but it makes you think about the people affected by the changes you are going to introduce. Each number represents a different stakeholder. It is important to remember that stakeholders can move between each of these groups.

Stakeholder one:

These colleagues are your most important stakeholders, and it is worthwhile for you to get them on board early. They have a high degree of influence, and they are essential within your organisation. They will most likely be senior members of staff. Still, they might also be the individual most affected by your new procedures, for example, another assistant within your department. You will need to have a good working relationship with these stakeholders so that they support your project. If you don’t engage these individuals, they might well jeopardise the changes you plan to make.

Stakeholder two:

Again these individuals are essential to the success of your changes, but they don’t have much influence in your department. These are the type of people that are easy to ignore, but they might not follow your new procedures and bring the project into jeopardy. You should invest in this group of stakeholders, listen to their concerns and make them feel part of the process.

Stakeholder three:

This is a risky group of individuals. They have significant influence, but they have little interest in the project until it suddenly comes on their radar and they demand your attention. If this happens, they can have a considerable impact. It is worth keeping an eye on these stakeholders, let them know what you have planned and make sure they are comfortable before proceeding.

Stakeholder four:

You can’t keep an eye on everyone, so this is the group to spend the least amount of time with. Definitely bear them in mind when you introduce your changes, but they have little interest and little influence, so hopefully won’t cause you too much bother.

Chasing colleagues who do not report to you

Imagine the scene – you’ve been asked to lead on a piece of work, for example, compiling a report or managing a new project. You have to gather information from several colleagues to complete the work you have been given.

As the days and weeks go by, you have received most of the information you need, and most of your colleagues have been helpful. However, you still need a few key details from an individual member of staff. No matter how much you have chased for this information, the person has yet to deliver and is delaying completing the tasks.

Sound familiar?

I think we’ve all been in this position before. For Assistants, it can be difficult – the likelihood of us having any authority over this person is minimal. More often than not, they will be more senior if not working at the board level alongside our Executive. Depending on how senior this person is, it can be inappropriate to chase them continually, and the project or task grinds to a halt, making you look incompetent.

So what can Assistants do when they need to chase colleagues for work who do not report to them? Here are a few tips.

Be realistic with deadlines.

This is the first point. You must be realistic about your deadlines. Remember how annoying it is when someone asks you to do something ‘urgent’ when you both know the only reason they work is urgent is that it has sat on their desk for the last month.

If you need somebody to do something for you, give them plenty of time to complete the task, set reminders to follow up on their progress (not every day, but maybe once a week?) and ask if they need any more information from you to get the job done. If the work does require a quick turnaround time, explain why it is urgent and how it fits into the bigger picture.

Be polite and show empathy.

Let’s face it; someone is more likely to complete some work for you if they like you, so be nice! Be polite, ask nicely and make them feel like they are unique. I know that can feel like a massive waste of time but having worked as an EA, I felt the extra time to build those relationships was worth it.

I always made colleagues feel like they were doing something important when completing work for me because the task was for someone in the c-suite, or it contributed directly to the business’s success.

If you have chased the person a few times, try to show some empathy and understanding. What is the issue that is causing them the delay? Can you move the deadline, work around the problem or ask them to pass on the task to someone else? Try to find out why they are not producing the goods before you get incredibly angry with them!

Explain why it is needed and why it is important to you

As I said, when an Assistant asks for something, co-workers should assume that the work is required for their boss or their boss’s boss. Or at the very least, someone important in your office or maybe even a client. Usually, people get this and get the work done.

But of course, some people don’t manage their time effectively for anyone. So, you may find that you have to explain why the work is needed, who it is for, how it fits into the business’s overall success, and why it is important to you and your Executive.

Make the whole process easy for them.

Make it easy for them to respond to your request. If it is literally to get their approval, ask them to reply with ‘approved’. Keep your communication short.

Don’t ask them for anything other than the thing you need. If the task is complicated, why not schedule a quick follow up meeting (15 minutes max) so that you can sit with them face to face and get what you need.

Some people are much better at completing tasks if they feel the urgency or pressure to do so. It is easy to say you will do something face to face or via email and forget about it two minutes later. Arranging a meeting with that person is a great way to create a sense of urgency. Another method is arranging time at their desk so that you can sit there while they complete the work. It makes you a pain in the ass, but it also ensures the work is completed!

Do they have an Assistant?

You know how often colleagues come to you to chase your Executive for information. The same applies to other Execs and their assistants. If the culprit is a senior member of staff with an Assistant, it is worth speaking to the assistant to find out if the task is on the Execs radar and pushing them to chase on your behalf.

Back the request up with an email.

I’m not a big fan of asking somebody to do something and then sending an email to confirm that request. It doesn’t instil much trust, does it! But saying that it is useful when you have chased someone a few times, and they have told you they will complete the work by a specific date.

A follow-up email confirming the date will ensure you record that promise and something to use if they don’t deliver the work on time. For assistants, following up with an email can also ensure they have a record if their Executive has to chase on their behalf or asks why their project deadlines have not been met.

Can you copy their boss in?

Sometimes (depending on how urgent the work is), copying their boss into a chase email will get the ball rolling. I would suggest you use this as the last straw, and perhaps it is better to speak to their manager rather than copying them into a chase email.

As most of your work relates to your Executive, any missed deadlines or incomplete work will affect them eventually. Make sure your colleague is aware of this – do they really want to get on the wrong side of your Executive… and you, for that matter?

How to manage conflict at work

Assistants are involved in so many aspects of the business that we will often witness this conflict, if not be directly affected. Conflict can be useful – it can drive creativity and move the business forward. But it can also cause unneeded interruptions, create roadblocks and cause stress and anxiety for the employees. The behaviours that we express when we encounter conflict are wide and varied, and there is a brilliant matrix that most leading behavioural scientists use to measure how we all react.

I wanted to share this knowledge with you today because I think it will help Assistants decide how to respond when faced with contentious situations.

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)

I wanted to bring the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) to your attention before we start to look at how Assistants can specifically manage conflict. The TKI is the leading process in conflict resolution and management. It is used by mediators, negotiators and most HR and Organisational Development consultants. Thomas and Kilmann came up with a method that shows how people react to conflict and how their behaviour results in the dispute being resolved. Here is a breakdown of the formula:

The TKI is designed to measure a person’s behaviour in conflict situations. “Conflict situations” are those in which the concerns of two people appear to be incompatible. In such situations, we can describe an individual’s behaviour along two dimensions: (1) assertiveness, the extent to which the person attempts to satisfy his own concerns, and (2) cooperativeness, the extent to which the person attempts to satisfy the other person’s concerns.

There are five different types of response that we all use when dealing with conflict. They are:

• Competing
• Collaborating
• Compromising
• Avoiding
• Accommodating

Here is a good breakdown of how the models work with assertive or cooperative behaviour:

Let’s look at each of the types of response and how they might affect conflict management. Again this is taken from An Overview of the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)

Competing is assertive and uncooperative—an individual pursues his own concerns at the other person’s expense. This is a power-oriented mode in which you use whatever power seems appropriate to win your own position—your ability to argue, your rank, or economic sanctions. Competing means “standing up for your rights,” defending a position you believe is correct, or simply trying to win.

Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative—the complete opposite of competing. When accommodating, the individual neglects his own concerns to satisfy the other person’s concerns; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode. Accommodating might take the form of selfless generosity or charity, obeying another person’s order when you would prefer not to, or yielding to another’s point of view.

Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative—the person neither pursues his own concerns nor those of the other individual. Thus he does not deal with the conflict. Avoiding might take the form of diplomatically sidestepping an issue, postponing an issue until a better time, or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation.

Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative—the complete opposite of avoiding. Collaborating involves an attempt to work with others to find some solution that fully satisfies their concerns. It means digging into an issue to pinpoint the underlying needs and wants of the two individuals. Collaborating between two persons might take the form of exploring a disagreement to learn from each other’s insights or trying to find a creative solution to an interpersonal problem.

Compromising is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The objective is to find some expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties. It falls intermediate between competing and accommodating. Compromising gives up more than competing but less than accommodating. Likewise, it addresses an issue more directly than avoiding it but does not explore it in as much depth as collaborating. In some situations, compromising might mean splitting the difference between the two positions, exchanging concessions, or seeking a quick middle-ground solution.

Now that we know how we tend to deal with conflict at work, the obvious next step is to manage conflict. We all use these different strategies.

We are all capable of competing when in conflict, avoiding it or compromising. The reality is that conflict in the workplace isn’t going away, so the best option is to look at the root cause of conflict, which is lack of communication.

When I say ‘lack of communication,’ I really mean lack of information or the wrong information. Clear, concise, timely communications will always ease tension. Everyone knows where they stand. They might not like where they stand, but they know for sure the reasons behind it!

How to show empathy at work

Assistants have buckets full of empathy; you wouldn’t be in the job if you didn’t. I find that empathy can often be taken advantage of by people who don’t respect what we do – be it that colleague who wants your time or that Executive who doesn’t understand your role. Empathy can quickly diminish when you don’t feel respected or, quite frankly, someone pisses you off.

So compassion is essential – you have to figure out why someone is acting the way they are and deal with them accordingly. But what if that person is annoying? We all work with people who annoy us, but we must rise above and be compassionate.

You might be tempted to avoid people like this, but that isn’t always possible. So instead, here are a few suggestions that will help you show empathy with even the most annoying person!

Cognitive empathy vs emotional empathy

I like this explanation from the Harvard Business Review:

There are two types of empathy: cognitive empathy, the ability to understand another person’s perspective, emotional empathy, the ability to feel what someone else feels. “Both of these tend to shut down when you feel annoyed or frustrated,” Annie McKee says. But you must fight against that.

To summon cognitive empathy for an annoying colleague, McKee recommends generating theories explaining “why this person says what he says, thinks what he thinks, and acts the way he acts. Unearth your curiosity,” she says. Ask yourself: “What motivates this person? What excites and inspires him?” Go “beyond your worldview” and reflect on “what may be in his cultural background, education, family situation, or day-to-day pressures causing him to behave this way.” Remember: The goal here is to “understand this person’s perspective,” Fernandez adds. “It doesn’t mean you have to adopt, validate, or agree with it, but you do have to acknowledge it.”

To muster emotional empathy for that colleague, “find something in them to care about,” McKee says. One way to deal with someone who irritates you is to “picture that person as a six-year-old,” she adds. In other words, remember that “they’re only human.”

The hypotheses you generated to explain your colleague’s behaviour could be helpful here, too, according to Fernandez: “Maybe this person is stressed or under pressure, or maybe this person is just not having a perfect day.” You don’t have to “become a psychologist and get into their childhood,” but you do have to try to experience “emotional resonance.” The result is often, “I get it.”

Be diplomatic

In my mind, diplomacy is ‘the art of dealing with people sensitively and tactfully.’ It is the ability to communicate with people using an approach that considers their feelings and potential reaction to the situation. It is a skill that allows Assistants to find common ground with every person at every level of business, even those annoying!

Show kindness

This is the first step. Show everyone kindness, even annoying people! If there is one particular person who you don’t like to be around, make yourself say hello to them every morning. Go out of your way to show them kindness and compassion. The more you do it, the easier it will get; you might even stop assuming the worst about them. You can choose to be empathetic because you control your emotions. Choice empathy and kindness or frustration and annoyance!

Be patient

When your annoying colleague asks you the same question 20 times or turns up to the meeting late, again, it is your human right to be less than empathetic! But don’t. Be patient. Breathe, reset and go again.

Get to know them

This might be difficult to swallow, but have you tried to get to know this person? It may sound like a horrible situation, but taking them out for a drink after work or a lunchtime coffee might be worthwhile. You never know. They may be completely different outside of the office. They might be nice! If you do this and you hate them even more, at least you tried. Go back to showing them empathy but don’t worry about befriending them!

Have a conversation with them

Can you confront the person yourself? If you have the confidence to talk with them directly, then you should. Don’t be overly aggressive, but do be firm and tell them how their behaviour impacts you. They may not be aware of their actions, and a conversation might nip it in the bud before your relationship becomes a severe problem. If they are particularly tricky, they may try to brush off their behaviour or explain it away but stick to your guns and make sure you come to a conclusion that enables you to get on with your job.

If you find it challenging to talk face-to-face or don’t have the confidence, it might help to send them an email. Explain that you are nervous about broaching the subject with them directly and are writing your feelings down in the hope that you can resolve any future problems.

Working as an Assistant, you can have more influence than you might think. You hold the day-to-day tasks within the business in your hands and influence senior staff members’ decisions and opinions. Your opinion is important!

Knowing how to influence those around you will help to progress your career, and this is something that we strongly encourage you to take seriously! With all this in mind, it’s time for you to seize every opportunity available to show how great an Assistant you are.

Saying No
Template

What to say when you want to say no – example conversations to make you more assertive.

This template provides you with practical, ready-to-use dialogues tailored for various common scenarios where you might need to refuse a request at work.

Does your Executive make decisions?

I’ve worked with several Executives over the years and seen many different management styles. Some Executives have been incredibly inspirational, others have been controlling and micromanaging your every move, and then there are those types of managers I want to discuss today. This manager never makes a decision.

The non-manager, so to speak!

These types of Executives will leave a decision unmade until someone else makes it for them, or the problem goes away. In this circumstance, everyone muddles along without clear objectives or knowing what is happening.

For Assistants in this situation, it can be pretty tough.

Often colleagues will ask you to make decisions on behalf of the boss, which is incredibly stressful. Colleagues might think you are not relaying information or questions back to your Executive when you have asked them on more than one occasion but have yet received a clear answer. You will often cover up for your boss when they cannot make any decisions.

The Executive may be technically brilliant at their job but unable to manage staff, so their assistants will also find themselves picking up the people management slack. This is great to start, but after several years working as an assistant with all this management experience, the thought of being promoted into a substantial management role is impossible, particularly with a manager who has no clue that their assistant is doing all the additional work.

In this situation, I have always found it hard to change a non-manager. I’ve had honest conversations about our working relationship. Still, their behaviour is so ingrained that most of the time, they don’t even realise their lack of leadership is causing any problems. If they know it, they tend to be good at their work, keeping them in a job and their boss happy, so why do they care what their staff think?

When I found myself in this situation (thankfully, it has only been once), I worked around my manager, accepted that he would never manage me exceptionally well and instead made the best of what I had. I didn’t stay in the role very long, but here are my tips if you work with a boss who never makes a decision.

Keep a list of everything you do, including your additional managerial tasks. I would also keep all of the emails or communications that contain details of the decisions that you have made. You have a list if your manager is interested in finding out what you do. Also, if your manager eventually gets found out, you will have documented evidence of your managerial experience. This can be used to prove you are ready for a promotion or a pay rise.

This type of boss will leave you to figure out your role and the type of work you want to do. Think about the positives – when you have eventually had enough and left this role, you will have additional expertise and skills. Proactively manage yourself by doing extra work that you find exciting and challenging. Ensure your colleagues know you are running the office and use that position to gain as much managerial experience as possible.

Although your boss is unaware of how much they rely on you, other team members will notice. Keep pleasing and supporting your colleagues – one may be promoted and want to take you with them. Alternatively, your current boss might be replaced by one of your colleagues. Either way, your good work will pay off.

In this situation, you have to be honest with your colleagues. Ensure they understand you are not the reason your boss is not getting back to them with decisions.

You also have to be assertive. Some staff members may exert authority if they realise their leader is not leading. These people will undoubtedly try to make support staff do work for them, which they should be doing themselves.

Should you keep your boss in the loop when it comes to decisions that you’ve made? I would say yes because you are covering yourself if a decision is ever questioned. I’ve found that managers that don’t care if they are bad at managing staff are good at blaming their team if anything goes wrong.

If the situation makes you frustrated and unhappy with your role, this is probably one to remove yourself from. You will have gained tremendous experience, so find a job that values those skills and rewards you for having them.

Working with an introvert

The key to a successful relationship between an assistant and their Executive is understanding how they operate. Let me rephrase that… the assistant should understand how the Executive works and adjust their style accordingly.

Most people fall into two personality camps- introverts and extroverts. Now obviously, people come in varying degrees of these types. Still, when building a successful relationship, it is worth noting what side of your Executive’s personality coin resides. I will look at the challenges facing assistants working with an extrovert, but today, let’s look at those reserved introverted types.

Communicating with an introvert

In my experience, introverts tend to listen more than they speak. It can be pretty tricky getting an introvert to say much at all. This can be frustrating for people used to talking, bouncing ideas off others and receiving direct instructions. It can also lead to people talking to introverts to cover up silences or awkward moments. Not suitable, especially for assistants. So how do you communicate? First, make sure you listen when they speak because they will have something important to say!

They probably aren’t happy having to repeat themselves, so make sure you remember any instructions they have given. If you have to clarify anything, ask specific questions (ideally with yes or no answers). Expect to use email as your primary source of communication.

Take the initiative

I find that introverted bosses let their staff take the initiative on projects and their workload. They don’t tend to micromanage, so assistants, in particular, can use this to their advantage and take on more work. Regarding feeding back, I suggest you use an online task list that you can share with your boss that way. You don’t have to let them know when you have actioned requests continually. They can see the evidence for themselves.

Prepare for meetings

Most introverts, I know, like to have space in their day to prepare for meetings. They want to go into an appointment with an idea of what they will say and how the discussion will pan out. An assistant can help with this process by ensuring they have all the necessary paperwork before the meeting and have time to prepare appropriately.

Gatekeeping

Introverts will not enjoy unnecessary interruptions and random conversations, so make sure you use all of your gatekeeping skills to keep your Executive away from scary Extroverts (incredibly pushy salespeople). Introverts like to regroup and spend time independently thinking through ideas and planning the next steps. Ensure you give them plenty of time in their diary for quiet reflection.

Create your sense of achievement

If things are going well, you probably will not hear much about it from your introverted Exec. This can be difficult for assistants who want to know if they are doing a good job (and really, who doesn’t!) Don’t take it personally. Just assume that silence is good and pat yourself on the back when you know you have achieved something.

Remember that working with an introvert brings rewards

Not all leaders need to be extroverts.

There is something pretty special about someone who can quietly encourage their workforce to shine. Introverts have unique qualities and can be fantastic bosses. I love this Ted Talk from Susan Cain called The Power of Introverts. If you work for an introvert, I highly recommend watching her talk.

Working with an old-school Executive

Many Assistants work for Executives who do not and will not embrace new ways of working, new (or even old) technology and expect their way of working to remain exactly how it has been for decades.

Some assistants may be used entirely to this style of working, but it can be frustrating if you want to introduce new ways of working and are shut down every time you mention it. If this is you, here are a few tips on working with an old school Executive.

Is your Executive living in their bubble?

Often, old school Executives are incredibly resistant to change, and we will come on to this. However, sometimes they live in a bubble where new working methods don’t cross their path. I had one Executive with many old-style Rolodex business card holders dotted around his office. He was delighted when I asked if he wanted me to put them onto his Outlook contacts.

He was over the moon when I told him I could put an app on his new iPhone that scanned the business card directly into his Outlook contacts. If you have an old-fashioned boss that needs a little encouragement, then take the time to suggest things to them.

Schedule time for tutorials and tell them about the benefits of new technology. You will probably have to manage the tech until they get the hang of it, so before you suggest something makes sure you are an expert so that they don’t get put off by any minor glitches.

Are they just resistant to change?

There is old school, and then there are those who resist change. Don’t get me wrong; people who resist change are incredibly challenging to deal with. Particularly if you are proactive and can see that a few tweaks here will make a big difference. There are plenty of articles out there that will help you manage people resistant to change.

It takes a lot of time to make changes, and sometimes you can feel like, ‘what is the point’ but trust me, it will be worth it in the end. Let’s look at the most common problem I hear from assistants – working with paper diaries. Just as a starting point – this would drive me nuts! The pain tends to be that your Executive has everything in their paper diary. You work from that and put all the appointments in Outlook or your online calendar.

If anything changes, outcomes the eraser for the paper diary, and then you have to make the same changes to the online schedule.

So how do you get your Executive to move to an online calendar only? Firstly, have you asked them to change to an Online calendar – do they know how much extra work you do to manage both aspects of the task? If you have not told them and clearly stated that you do not like working with two diaries, why would you expect them to change their routine?

If you have told them and still refuse to give it up, ask yourself – what are they afraid of? Is it the lack of control, the technology itself, or merely stubbornness? Once you have figured this out, you can slowly manage the changes that need to take place. A simple place to start is during your one-to-one meetings. Instead of working from the paper diary, ask them to open up the online calendar on their computer to see who is coming to the event and any additional details that might not be in the paper diary.

Keep doing this until they get used to looking at the computer. Change takes time, and you will have to be patient.

Old school in every way

So you’ve got an Executive who is resistant to change but is also old school.

They follow old-school management styles where what they say goes. They don’t collaborate on ideas. They expect you to drop everything when they ask, and even the mention of ‘working from home’ is looked upon with scorn and slight confusion.

Yup, I think most of us have probably encountered this type of Executive at some point in our careers. I know I certainly have. What to do?

Well, there are a few methods I’ve tried in the past… Briefly, here they are:

Is it me? I walked into a new job with many ideas and examples of changes I’d made in other organisations, only to realise that these ideas were unwelcome. I was, quite frankly, pissed off. But over time, I realised that my old-fashioned Executive was brilliant at his job and had excellent systems that worked well for the department despite being thoroughly old-fashioned. So in this instance, I had to adapt to his way of working rather than introduce changes that may have been better but weren’t all that necessary.

Not everyone is perfect. There are many reasons people are stuck doing what they have always done. Not everyone understands that ways of working have moved on. Can you be a bit more understanding of your Executive’s imperfections? If so, take the time to work out how they operate and how you can fit in.

Is it the culture? Is it just your Executive, or is the whole organisation like an old boys club? If it is only your Executive, speak to like-minded people in your office and ask how they deal with your Executive. Please don’t accept that your Executive has all the power because they don’t. You can manage and make proactive changes. You can also say no to requests and demand the same respect the rest of your colleagues get.

Bide your time. Old-fashioned managers won’t be around forever. They retire. If you are younger than them, you may consider waiting it out.

Quit. I did this, and I went on to work for some excellent, dynamic, forward-thinking Executives who helped support my personal development. Not an easy choice, but quite often the right one when working with bad managers.

Working with an incompetent Executive

Everyone moans about their boss. Fact!

Sometimes your Executive takes ages to get back to you on something. They are always in a meeting or out travelling. They never have enough time. They don’t manage your needs or expectations. They don’t make decisions or make the wrong decision and don’t lead effectively. These are all common gripes. But, for Assistants, we see the reasons behind these failings. They are mega busy, have so much responsibility, have enormous teams, and don’t have time for everyone.

They don’t delegate enough, or they delegate too much. They have problems at home, or they are also stretched. We see it all, and usually, we know there are reasons for these behaviours. We can offer support, so the team moans less about the boss and the work gets done. That is where we add value, right? But what happens when the support we offer isn’t enough? What happens when we are working with an incompetent Executive, and no matter the level of support, they suck at their job?

Leave?

Easier said than done for some people. So, what can we do? How do we overcome the frustrations and support someone terrible at their job? Here are a few thoughts!

Please don’t make them into something worse than they are.

They are a person who is failing, don’t make them into a monster, because they probably are not. Remember that as an Assistant, you need to show empathy, even when their incompetence is soul-destroying!

Where is the incompetence?

Usually, people are promoted because they have the technical ability to get the job done or generate a lot of income for the business. Either way, very few people are promoted because of their people skills or leadership abilities. So, in your Executive’s case, where do the incompetencies lie? Is it that they can do the work but can’t manage the people?

Or do they spend too long managing the people that the business gets neglected? As their Assistant, you gain insights into the behaviours hidden from other staff members. Use that to your advantage. Work out the issues and then plan how you can help support those weaknesses.

How can you help?

The first thing to say is that your incompetent Executive will understand that they are not quite making the grade (even if they are outwardly the most egotistical person on the planet), which means they will have their barriers firmly in place. They will not ask for help, so you need to work out, on the sly, what it is that you can help with and then work out a plan to get them to trust you enough to accept your help.

To do this, you need to be the person that never moans about them. It would be best if you were on their team, on their side, and found a human angle you can work with.

They will never acknowledge their shortcomings if they are entirely unaware or in denial. You need to accept that and find a way to communicate with them. For example, if they are not giving you the access you need to do your job, you should say, “I need your help.

I want to be great in this role, and I know I can offer a lot of support, but I need you to help me with that [and list the specific things you want them to do – access to the calendar, make decisions on their behalf, attend meetings etc.]”.

Remember always to come prepared with solutions. They will have so many problems to fight, be the person that comes with answers.

Fill in the gaps.

Speak to your colleagues. What is your boss lacking? What are they not getting from your Executive? Where can you help? Do they need a sounding board, and your boss is too busy to listen? Do they need things signed off? Can you plan an effective way to get those decisions made quickly? Can you sign things off on your Executive’s behalf?

All of the above are examples of managing up, which you must do if your Executive is incompetent. Always think to yourself, what do you need to do for the good of the business?

Build your support network.

As an Assistant, you must have a support network in the office of different levels within the business. Doing this is even more critical if you work for an incompetent boss.

If you don’t have a network of people who all know that you are brilliant, everyone will think you are just as incompetent as your Executive, and the danger is that you get blamed for their incompetencies.

So, get out there, get known, and make sure everyone knows who you are rather than being perceived as only your Executive’s Assistant. Make sure you are known as someone who makes things happen despite your Executive. Get good at specific niche tasks that you could potentially move into if your Executive gets fired (which is likely if they are entirely rubbish).

Think strategically. Who do you want to impress the most? Probably your Executive’s boss, right? Well, yes, but shine in front of your Executive’s peers, make good connections with your HR representative, and ensure those key players know that you are not responsible for your Executive’s failings.

Look after your mental health.

There is no denying that working for an Executive who is floundering is a drain on everyone around them, but this is particularly true of Assistants. Concentrate on what you like about your role, the organisation or the other people around you. As soon as you start to feel resentful, angry and ultimately unmotivated, you will not be able to lead yourself and your colleagues out of this situation. And that is when it is probably time to move on.

How to work with a visionary manager

Someone starts every business with a vision. They are the driving force behind the company, and they want to change the world.

You might not work for the person who started the organisation. But, if you work for an Executive who is the creative thinker in your organisation, someone who innovates and drives change in the business – you are working for a visionary manager!

Working as an Assistant with a visionary manager has many advantages and disadvantages! We will look at how to work with a visionary manager, how you can support them, and what it means for your career. Firstly, let’s define a visionary manager.

What does it mean to be a visionary?

Author and speaker Josh Linkner defines a visionary as “willing to dream wildly and think ahead. When your organisation has a senior leader who focuses on what’s possible and breathes reinvention, you ­have a chance to reach those stellar, dreamed-about heights.”

It sounds incredible.

What an opportunity to work with someone who disrupts the status quo, innovates and drives the growth in the business! Visionary managers expect and often demand their team to create new ideas, think differently and embrace change. It is an exciting place to be, especially for Assistants. Working with a visionary brings so many opportunities because they will not work with their Assistant traditionally. They don’t work with anyone in a conventional way. The possibilities are endless.

But, with endless possibilities can come long hours, constant change, little structure and no strategy. Working in an environment with no clear path or plan of action can be stressful and frustrating. Many visionary leaders can make for bad managers because they are tasked with creating new ideas and thinking ahead rather than focusing on the here and now and dealing with the practical aspects of management. There are advantages and disadvantages when working with a visionary leader. Let’s look at how Assistants can work with and support a visionary.

Provide Structure.

This is the most critical skill you can bring to the table when working with a visionary. It would be best if you were an executor. The person that gets things done. You must provide the structure to get their ideas and concepts up and running. How do you do this?

Create a schedule that allows them time to brainstorm with their team. They will need time to spitball ideas, develop new strategies and bounce off other creative types. Structure these meetings to have a definite end time, and ensure you are strict with the time. Go to the sessions to take notes and track what has been discussed. If you can’t be there, find a facilitator in the organisation that can help structure the brainstorming sessions.

Giving them this time will also ensure they use the rest of their time to work more structured and strategically.

Understand the business.

You must know what is happening at all points of the day and in the organisation. This means you need to network as you have never networked before. You need to be involved in everything, you need to know what is going on, and everyone in the organisation needs to loop you in. You can only provide structure for your Executive if you are involved.

Remember, if you work for a visionary manager, you must inspire confidence because you will often be the lynchpin between your Executive and the rest of the team. You need to know your job inside out, and you will need everyone else to know that. Confidence does play a key role in how you work with a visionary.

Build Rapport.

Your Executive has to know that you have their back. You will be there for them and support them through every up and down they face. You have to build an unshakable rapport with them. Please get to know them, be in their life and understand how they think and function. Bethany Burns, EA to the CEO of BrewDog, calls this ‘comfortable intrusion’.

You have to get involved, and your Executive has to let you. It would be best if you also built rapport with everyone your Executive comes into contact with. Visionary leaders will have a strong team around them to execute the vision. Ensure you have a strong relationship with everyone in your Executive’s inner circle.

Constant Communication.

Your communication skills need to be on point for a few different reasons. Your visionary leader might struggle to communicate what they need from you and their team. You need to adapt to their way of communicating so that you are both on the same page and then you need to help disseminate information to the people around you. Again, having a good understanding of what is happening in the business will help with this. Communicating regularly with other assistants in your industry would be best.

This is a brilliant way to keep in the loop. Working with a visionary leader will mean that you will work at a fast pace. You don’t want to reinvent the wheel, so communicate with each other and share best practices. Back to communicating with your Executive – they will work at a fast pace, and they will have a lot of ideas that you need to capture.

This is where technology can help.

Find a tool that will help them offload their thoughts to you. This could be WhatsApp, Slack or even email. Use something that helps them get their ideas out of their heads and over to you for action.

Roll with the punches.

Steve Jobs springs to mind many famous cases of visionary leaders not treating their staff well. This isn’t the case for every innovative leader, but for many, the thoughts and feelings of their team are secondary to their vision. If you work for an Executive like this, it can be challenging, and you will need to develop a thick skin and learn to roll with the punches.

This isn’t for everyone; you need to decide your boundaries and how you want to be treated. Depending on the relationship you have with your Executive, you may also have to pull them up on behaviour that is not acceptable. This comes with confidence and practice. Speaking truth to power is not easy.

Just remember that your Executive will always win out at the end of the day. They often misbehave because they can. That is how business works. If they are innovating, making the business a lot of money, and genuinely leading change, their power and abilities will outweigh your feelings. Hopefully, times are changing, but it is slow progress. It would be best if you decided what works for you.

Share the vision.

This is my final point, and it is an important one.

You have to share the vision that your Executive is putting out in the world. If you don’t get on board, you will drown! You have to share their passion, enthusiasm and drive. You don’t have to work the same crazy hours or intensity, but you have to live and breathe the business.

Again, you have to ask yourself if this is truly what you want to do. If you succeed as an Assistant to a visionary leader, you must strap in and enjoy the ride!

As Assistants, it is important for us to form meaningful and successful relationships with our colleagues, no matter what their personality type may be.

By understanding these different personalities, we are better equipped to manage expectations as well as handle any issues that arise in the workplace. Staying collaborative and open-minded when dealing with co-workers’ different beliefs and values is essential. Working together successfully allows everyone to reach their peak potential.